Skip to main content

Posts

Things Left Unsaid--Part one of the blog poem series

Snow White
Recent posts

Dear Loved Ones:On Understanding the Distorted Mind

A sense of nagging percolates the mind. It is a war between logic and emotion. Mindfulness and urge. To resist or to purge. A purging of the body and one’s own inhibition to want and need, but there is a small voice that still exists-- reminding ourselves that we are enough as is.


There is an overwhelming anxiety we cannot seem to surf, and it is what gets me into the mess each time. Somehow, I find it an old familiar friend. A comfortable ex boyfriend’s shirt that shouldn’t be worn, yet it always seems to find its’ way up the cool of the body once more. We sit in our shame and comfort because it is the only thing we have ever known. The only thing that could be worse is launching into a sea of unknowns, and that is precisely where recovery sits for many. For us. At least—for me.


People wonder why we have held onto our disordered thoughts and habits so long, and I can tell you in my experience it relates to the anxiety of the unknown. The cycle is damning, yes, but starting over and j…

Candid thoughts on living

Each day I rise from bed it feels as if I should get a prize. Perhaps a standing ovation, or a big cup of coffee and a "great job!," but honestly-- I'd be happy with a good night's rest.

     When the thought of rising seems to be a bit heavy, I think it is important to rest. Otherwise, burnout is imminent-- but as always, I am not so good at heeding my own advice until it's a bit too late. The damage was done.

     I haven't quite figured out the words to describe not only the relief, but also the unrelenting panic that race through the mind when you find out that once again, you're going to live. I believe my nine lives have been used many a time, but by grace-- I am still here.

    The mind is both a beautiful and infuriating thing. 

      I know however, that I am not the only person who faces these challenges, and unfortunately-- I will not be the last. However, there are some thoughts on the forefront of my mind, or many that still nag, begging t…